


Means to an End

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Challenge Response, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-07-11
Updated: 1999-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-10 07:37:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11122731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: This story is an alternate sequel/ending to Something Must Break This story is a sequel toSomething Must Break.





	Means to an End

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).
    
    
    Disclaimer: Characters are property of Alliance  
    
    This story is an alternate ending to Something Must Break
     
    Means to an End
        by 
      Winston
    
    Things had definitely changed.  The Ray Kowalski who filled the desk
    for Detective Ray Vecchio now was not the same Ray Kowalski who filled
    the spot before the beating.  Most of the people in the squadroom thought
    that in some ways he was better.  He was much quieter, more polite, and
    still a good cop.  They marked it all down to the trauma of the beating
    and the slow recovery that followed. 
       What most failed to notice was that when Ray did talk to them it related
    only to the job or an occasional conversation about something as unimportant
    as the weather.  Ray distanced himself from anything of a personal nature.
    He no longer took part in any of the horseplay or idle chatter that filled
    the room.  He would sit at his desk, do his job and survey the room through
    eyes that reflected the emptiness that had begun to fill his soul.  
        If a person couldn't trust a man like Benton Fraser, what was there
    left in this world to trust. 
        Trust was something that had again, only recently, become a part
    of his existence.   Constable Benton Fraser had almost saved Ray from
    himself.  When he first took the assignment to impersonate the real Ray
    Vecchio, Ray had entered the scene with a psyche that had been battered
    by too many years on the streets.  A mind and soul that had endured too
    much time undercover in a world that he really didn't want to understand,
    and the betrayal and rejection of all the people in his life for whom
    he cared. 
       From their first meeting Fraser had started to fan the small flame
    that had refused to be extinguished.  Ray Kowalski wanted to trust someone
    in this life and Benton Fraser seemed to be his one hope.  Fraser never
    missed the chance to tell Ray when he had done a good job.  He had often
    told Ray what a good police officer he was.  He had told Ray that he
    was honored to have him as a partner and a friend.  It wasn't easy and
    it took time and gentle coaxing, but Ray slowly began to believe that
    it was true.  Ray Kowalski slowly dropped his carefully guarded defenses
    and allowed the Mountie into his life.  The Mountie's purity and goodness
    began to pull the true Ray Kowalski out into the light.  The two unlikely
    partners had become friends. But like every other relationship in Ray's
    life it was over now.  Fraser had made it plain.  Ray Kowalski didn't
    deserve the friendship of a man as good as Benton Fraser. 
       The short time spent in that storehouse had changed everything.  The
    slowly growing flame had been battered out.  If you couldn't trust the
    Mountie, whom could you trust?  Now when the stress of his life became
    almost more than he could bear the only person to whom he could turn
    was Ray Kowalski; a person in which he had very little confidence. A
    person that he was sure deserved to be alone.  There was now no one to
    trust at all. 
    
       In outward appearances the partnership continued on much as it had
    before.  Mr. Logic and Mr. Instinct still worked cases together.  Ray
    still ran the Mountie around town any time he needed a ride. They continued
    to protect the cover of the absent Ray Vecchio.  That was Kowalski's
    job.  But the partnership had changed.  There were no more after work
    dinners together.  No more delivered in pizzas at the Detective's apartment.
    Very little unnecessary small talk, and even fewer laughs. 
       The time that Ray had spent in the hospital had been torture on both
    of them.  Fraser was forced to watch not only the physical suffering
    of his friend but his emotional battles as well.  Fraser came to the
    hospital every day, but no words were ever spoken.  The misery that he
    had seen reflected in Ray's eyes in the storehouse had remained for days
    after.   But each day Fraser noticed the change until soon all that could
    be read in those once intense blue eyes was a cool detached emptiness.
    
       Fraser wanted so badly to be able to explain his seemingly inhuman
    actions towards his friend, but his own guilt and self-loathing had rendered
    him so tongue-tied that it was something of which he was totally incapable.
    His heart ached for Ray Kowalski, and the fact that he didn't have the
    courage to face his own betrayal only added more to his guilt. 
       The silence was finally broken the day of Ray's release.  Although
    Ray wasn't too keen on going to the Vecchio's, it was the only option
    that got him out of the hospital short of total good health.  The Doctors
    refused to release him until they were assured that there would be someone
    to help him through the final stages of his recovery.  Ma Vecchio had
    always made Ray feel at home in her families presence and wouldn't hear
    of him spending a day longer in that 'awful' hospital then need be. 
      
        Fraser had insisted on driving the Detective to the Vecchio home.
    When they arrived Ray hesitated, and turning towards the Mountie spoke
    to him for the first time since he arrived at the hospital. 
       "Benton buddy.  There's somethin' I got ta say before we go inside."
    Fraser was surprised at the warmth in the voice of his battered friend.
    But he also noticed that the warmth didn't reach into those blue eyes.
    
       "We both got a job to do here.  We still got to protect Vecchio."
    Ray lowered his eyes as he quickly continued.  "Once I get back to work
    its got to be the same as it was....It ain't goin' to be easy for either
    of us....But that's the bottom line.   I ain't blamin' you for what happened,
    so don't be blamin' yourself.  Okay?   You were just bein' you... ya
    know, and doin' what you thought was right and if I let myself get caught
    up inta believin'somethin' I shouldnta that's on my head not yours."
    Ray quickly raised his hand to silence Fraser's attempted protest and
    continued.  "You made it plain where I stand with ya Fraser, and that's
    okay, 'cause we can still work together, and be friendly and all...and
    that'll get us through this thing 'till Vecchio gets back....and that's
    all I got ta say about any of it...Ya know what I mean?...I just don't
    want ta have ta talk about any of it again." 
       Fraser sat in stunned silence as Ray stiffly got himself out of the
    car and slowly walked towards the house.  For a moment he was overcome
    with the relief that Ray seemed not to hate him, as Fraser was sure that
    he did.  Ray's words had even held a touch of lingering affection.  Maybe
    there was a chance to regain the lost friendship, a loss that had torn
    a hole in the soul of the Mountie.  Ray Kowalski had become a very important
    part of his life.  Although there were distinct differences he was as
    good a friend as was Ray Vecchio. He loved both Ray's as brothers.  Ray
    Vecchio was like a big brother. Fraser had needed him to survive in the
    unknown world of Chicago.  Ray Kowalski was like a little brother, who
    had needed Fraser to survive in the unknown world of Ray Vecchio.  After
    the beating and the betrayal Fraser had been sure that he had lost Kowalski's
    friendship forever. But wasn't that what he deserved?  He had betrayed
    his friend.  
       The knot of guilt that had been twisting in the pit of his stomach
    for the last several weeks suddenly tightened another notch.  If Ray
    didn't hate him or hold him responsible for his terrible injuries, just
    how was he coping with the pain that Fraser had seen so plainly reflected
    in the younger mans eyes as he lay suffering in that hospital bed?  Even
    before the question was fully formed in his mind Fraser knew the answer,
    and its realization brought the bile into the back of his throat.  Ray
    had turned it in upon himself. 
       Fraser had worked hard to earn the trust of the emotionally battered
    Detective who had stepped into the life of his friend. It hadn't been
    easy.  Ray Kowalski had very nearly given up on his fellow man, but the
    Mountie had finally won him over.  Benton realized the important place
    that Ray had given their friendship in his life.  He knew now that it
    was that importance, and Ray's lack of self esteem that allowed him the
    ability to forgive Fraser and place the responsibility for his suffering
    on his own perceived unworthiness.  Fraser's self-loathing was cranked
    up to a new level.  He had hurt his partner twice.  He had betrayed him
    in the warehouse, and his inability to explain it had left Ray free to
    reach his own conclusion on the meaning of the betrayal.  Ray was so
    very wrong.  Fraser could never have chosen one Ray over the other. 
    He loved them both. He had to try and explain that to Kowalski.  He had
    to try and make him understand.  There were so very few people in this
    world that he had ever loved, and now he had lost them all. 
    
       Fraser made several attempts to talk to Ray about what had happened
    in the warehouse, but Ray wouldn't allow it.  Every time Fraser attempted
    to bring the subject up Ray would fix those empty cold eyes on him and
    remind him that he didn't want to talk about it.  In Benton's final attempt
    he tried to re-ignite the once volatile Detective by pushing him to the
    point of anger.  It failed miserably.  The harder Fraser pushed the more
    Ray withdrew.  The cool emptiness of those blue eyes sent a chill deep
    into the Mountie.  It was on that day that Fraser resigned himself to
    the fact that he had helped to destroy the man that he had known as his
    friend.  It was a realization that began to drive the Mountie into his
    own world of guilt-ridden emptiness.  Time passed.  The imitation partnership
    went on almost as before.  
       
       At last into this uneasy situation stepped the one person who could
    save the friendship and the two tortured people it involved.     
    
       Ray Vecchio's undercover assignment had ended two weeks before, but
    due to debriefings and verifying his safety, the return to Chicago had
    been delayed.  He got into town just before midnight. When his first
    stop at Fraser's old apartment had revealed only a burned out shell,
    and he had found no lights on at the Consulate he had headed on home.
    
       He quietly slipped in and woke up his Ma.  It took some coaxing, but
    Ray convinced her to put off waking the rest of the family until they
    had a chance to set and talk.  Ray was eager to get caught up on what
    he had missed, how his replacement had been towards his family and his
    job, and how Fraser had been coping with his absence. 
       When Ma Vecchio got to the part about his replacement Ray had to fight
    back a bad case of resentment.  It seemed that this guy had stepped into
    his life with ease.  Ma Vecchio fairly glowed when she talked about the
    sweet young man who had become like a son to her.  She spoke of how he
    made himself available to her for many things.  Not just because it was
    his job, but because he had adopted the Vecchio family as his own.  He
    had even helped to resolve the issue with the zoning board over Tony's
    miss- placed back fence.  And there were the times that he would run
    Ma over to see her sister on Sundays, taking the kids to the park so
    that the two old women could talk in relative peace. 
       Ray Vecchio was having a rough enough time fighting back the jealousy
    he felt towards this man that he had yet to meet, but when Ma got around
    to Fraser and this new guys friendship with 'his' Mountie it finally
    got the best of him. 
       "Well geeze Ma."  Ray stood suddenly as he spoke.  "Why don't we just
    put this guy up for Sainthood or somethin'....He better get it through
    his head that I'm here now, and I want my life back!...Geeze!" 
       Ma smiled to herself.  She knew her son so well.  The stage had been
    set.  It was time to get down to the important part.  The part that had
    kept her on her knees before God for so long now.   She knew her prayers
    had been answered in the form of her own son.  She had spent plenty of
    time on her knees for him as well.  God had granted both wishes with
    one answer.  God had safely returned her one trueborn son, and now he
    would be the one to help her other adopted sons.  All of them would soon
    be home and whole again. 
       "Caro.  Come sit.  We must talk."  Ma Vecchio motioned Ray back to
    his chair and waited for him to set down before she continued.  "Raimundo.
    Caro.  There is something wrong that I believe you are the only one who
    can fix." 
       For the next hour Ma Vecchio talked to her son about the awful beating
    that Ray Kowalski had endured.  She told him of the terrible headaches
    that still plagued him.  She had noticed the pain that he tried so hard
    to keep from showing, as had Fraser and Welsh.  And that only because
    they were the only ones with which he had any extended contact anymore.
    She spoke of the emotional damage as well.  Although Ray had never talked
    about it with her, she had seen the changes in the young man that she
    now loved as another son.  It was breaking her heart, but she didn't
    know what to do.  She spoke of the changes in Fraser as well.  She knew
    that the two things were related and it was because of something that
    had happened in the storehouse, but other than that she was at a loss.
    When she had tried to talk to Fraser his response was that she would
    have to talk to Ray, but Ray wasn't talking. 
       "Raimundo.  I know that it is not easy for you to do this thing. 
    I know that you resent Raymond for the way he was able to work his way
    into your life, but you must realize that it wasn't easy for him either.
    He was undercover as you were.  You had no one.  He had no one.  I couldn't
    be there for you, but I could be here for him.  His job was to protect
    my son.  He did his job well, and in my own way I helped.  Now I need
    my son to help him in return."  Ma Vecchio gently slipped her hand over
    Ray's and gave it a squeeze.  "And Benton, Caro.  He needs you too. 
    This thing is tearing him apart.  It is tearing them both apart.  Not
    just from each other but from everyone else too.  They are dying inside.
    I had three sons who were lost to me. Now my eldest has returned to me
    safe.  I want all my sons home safe Raimundo.  Will you help me with
    this, Caro?" 
       How could he not?  
    
       Ray Vecchio entered the bullpen of the 27th early.  He had wanted
    nothing more than to be able to slip back into the old routine as quietly
    as possible.  He figured his best chance was to get in early and greet
    his friends as they trickled in to begin their day, rather than come
    in late and be mobbed by well wishers. 
       A lump rose in his throat as he reentered the place that had been
    such a big part of his life.  It was good to be home. Ray shot a quick
    look back towards his old desk.  He was surprised to see someone already
    at work.  Heck. Welsh wasn't even in yet.  He carefully made his way
    towards the lone figure.  The guy obviously worked at his desk. Could
    this be his replacement?  
       The man stood at the side of the desk his back to the room studying
    a computer readout.  As Ray approached he cleared his throat to alert
    the stranger of his presence.  As soon as the blonde headed Detective
    turned to face him Ray knew that this had to be the young man to whom
    his mother had become so attached.  It was written all over his face.
    Ray quickly studied the man before him. 
       The scars from the beating were still evident on the tightly drawn
    flesh of the angular face.  Although the doctors had done an admiral
    job on the many stitches that were required to repair the damage caused
    by the brass knuckles it was obvious that though some would fade with
    time there were many that would remain as a permanent reminder of the
    injuries.  Ray had to fight back the urge to flinch at the implications
    of such scarring.  They had really worked this guy over. 
       As Ray approached, Kowalski laid the read-out aside and stuck out
    his hand. 
       "Ray Vecchio!...Uh..Didn't know you were back....I am...was your replacement....Ray
    Kowalski." 
       Ray took the extended hand and smiled.  "Kind of thought so....My
    desk ya know." 
       "Ya well...Its yours if ya want it."  Kowalski smiled slightly as
    he spoke but his voice betrayed no emotion at all.    
        The overriding image from Ray's quick study of his replacement was
    that this guy was nearly fried.  His clothes hung loosely on a painfully
    gaunt frame, and his face had the drawn, haggard look of a man who hadn't
    seen a good nights sleep in much too long.  That probably explained his
    early presence on the job.  No one else was even here yet, and this guy
    looked like he had been up for awhile. The overriding feature though
    was the eyes.  They had a guarded coolness that refused to reflect any
    of the curiosity or emotion that should have been expected from someone
    put in this position.  It was almost chilling.  It was a look that Ray
    Vecchio had come to expect from the hardened men he had been dealing
    with in the mob, but not from this Chicago cop that his own mother had
    described as 'such a sweet young man'.  Ma was right this kid was in
    trouble.  
       "Hell Kowalski don't worry about the desk.  I ain't even sure yet
    how this thing is going to shake out.  They keep talkin' about a promotion...but
    I need a little time to get myself back...hell...you know what that's
    like."  Ray dropped his gaze to the floor and cleared his throat as he
    continued. 
       "Right now I just want to thank ya...you know...for takin' care of
    the family and all."  Ray returned his eyes to the face of his replacement.
    "I talked to Ma last night.  She filled me in on what all ya did for
    her and stuff...and I just want to let you know how grateful I am." 
       For the first time Ray saw just the slightest flash of warmth in those
    empty blue eyes.  "You got a great family Vecchio.  That part was easy.
    No need to thank me." 
       "Ya well.  I just want ta let ya know that just because I'm back doesn't
    mean ya can't come around....Ma really thinks the world of ya and...well
    you know Ma....She'll have both our heads if you don't come around some."
    
       "Well I appreciate that, but it's like ya said...don't know how this
    thing is going to shake out yet." 
       Before the two men could talk any further Welsh's voice boomed through
    the room. 
       "Vecchio"
    
       The rest of the morning was spent with a lot of glad handing and back
    slapping as everyone was eager to welcome home there long absent comrade.
    It took half of the day for the squadroom to settle down.  Welsh and
    Vecchio had now been shut up in the office for over an hour.  Ray Kowalski
    had been able to successfully fade himself into the background, busily
    applying himself to the job at hand.  He had watched all the excitement
    as if an unaffected bystander.  He was deep into his job when Fraser
    finally made his entrance.  He didn't even realize that the Mountie had
    arrived until Fraser cleared his throat to gain his attention. 
    
       "Uh...Hey Fraser...Good ta see ya."  Ray Kowalski's eyes met only
    briefly with those of the Mountie before dropping quickly back to his
    desk. 
       Fraser had long since resigned himself to the cool uneasiness that
    had defined their relationship lately. 
       "Good afternoon Ray."  Fraser shifted nervously.  The first few minutes
    were always the most awkward. 
       "Anybody told ya the good news yet Fraser?"  Ray made no attempt at
    further eye contact. 
       "No Ray.  I have yet to speak to anyone."  The Mountie absently played
    with the brim of his Stetson. 
       "Good...That's good...."  Ray quickly got to his feet with a certain
    forced show of excitement.  "I'm glad I'm the one that gets ta tell ya..but
    ya got a big surprise comin' today.   Vecchio's back.  He's in the office
    with Welsh right now." 
       Fraser couldn't hide the quick show of emotion that flashed across
    his face.  His own sense of guilt made him instantly regret it.  Ray
    showed no signs of even noticing it although Fraser was sure that he
    had. 
       "Ya better get in there ole buddy...Vecchio's been asking about you
    ya know."  As Ray spoke he gentle shoved Fraser towards the office door
    a small wistful smile playing on his lips.  He stopped a few feet shy
    of the door and allowed the Mountie to continue on alone.  
       Fraser had his hand on the doorknob before he realized that Ray was
    not following him.  He paused and looked back towards the thin blonde
    Detective. 
       "Ray?"
    
       "You go on Fraser...You were right ya know....He seems like an alright
    guy....a good partner."  All the weeks of practice could not keep the
    touch of sadness out of Kowalski's voice.  But he betrayed nothing with
    his eyes. 
       Before Fraser could say anything, Ray turned his back, and returned
    to his desk.  It was like a knife in the gut for the Mountie.  Those
    were words that he had always hoped to hear when the two Ray's met, but
    in the context of the events of the past months they were salt in his
    already open wounds. 
    
       The next several days drifted into a loose but predictable pattern.
    Most of the morning Ray Kowalski and Ray Vecchio would review and compare
    notes on past and present cases.  Fraser would show up around noon and
    Ray Kowalski would quietly slip into the background.  He would suddenly
    get himself involved in something that would keep him busy at his desk
    or he would slip out of the squadroom to track down something that he
    felt was too mundane to bother his other 'partners' with.  At the end
    of the shift he would beg off of any invitation to accompany Fraser and
    Vecchio to supper with the need to 'finish up this report' or he would
    just disappear. 
       Both Vecchio and Fraser were keenly aware of what he was doing, but
    both were at a loss as to how to handle it.  It was easy for Ray Vecchio
    to read the pain that this was causing his friend, but when he asked
    Fraser about it, his only response was that Kowalski was justified in
    shunning the Mountie's company.  When Ray would ask Fraser to explain
    the Mountie would smile sadly and promise that someday he would, but
    for right now he just didn't want to talk about it. 
       Vecchio was totally confused.  Ray Kowalski never showed any dislike
    or anger towards Fraser.  In fact he was always polite if maybe just
    a little shy.  But Ray had never seen any indication from Kowalski as
    to what his true feelings were about anything.  The cool detached expression
    in those blue eyes hadn't changed since the first day that they had met.
    That in itself had begun to tell a story.  Vecchio had made many attempts
    to draw the younger man out into any kind of a personal conversation.
    Each attempt had failed miserably.  The quiet Detective had become a
    master at hiding himself behind the shield of those empty eyes.   Ray
    Vecchio had promised his mother that he would help this 'son' of hers,
    but at this point he was at a loss.  
       Nearly a week had passed before fate stepped in and gave him an avenue
    towards his goal. 
    
       It was early on Thursday morning.  Welsh and Ray Vecchio were setting
    in the Lt.'s office reviewing a new case of computer theft from the docks.
    Welsh glanced out the side window of his office towards Kowalski's desk.
    The thin Detective was setting sideways at his workstation.  He was bent
    over at the waist.  One arm was draped on the desk.  His other arm was
    tucked tightly against his side the palm of his hand pressed firmly against
    his temple.  His eyes were screwed tightly shut in an obvious show of
    pain.  If anyone from the squadroom had looked his way it would have
    appeared as if the Detective was looking for something in his desk drawers,
    but from Welsh's office the truth of the situation was easily seen. 
    
       "Shit!"  Welsh rose quickly to his feet and headed out the door. "You
    stay right here Detective, I might need you." 
       Vecchio followed The Lt.'s gaze and sucked in a sharp breath.  His
    Ma had told him about Kowalski's headaches, but this was the first indication
    he had of how bad they could get.  His first instinct was to follow Welsh,
    but he decided to give the two men their space and just stay available
    to help if need be. 
       Welsh hustled out of his office and was soon at Kowalski's desk. 
    Welsh put his body between the Detective and the rest of the room, shielding
    the smaller man from any prying eyes that might turn their way.  Vecchio
    watched as the older man gently laid his arm across the slim shoulders
    of his detective and spoke quietly with him for a moment.  Kowalski straightened
    slightly and after what appeared to be a slight hesitation slowly nodded
    his head in agreement.  The younger man's face was incredibly pale and
    even more drawn than normal.  He shot a quick glance towards Vecchio
    and then returned his eyes to those of his boss.  Welsh affectionately
    rubbed Kowalski's shoulder as he continued to talk.  Kowalski straightened
    further shot his boss a sad lopsided smile and again nodded his head
    in agreement.  As Welsh turned and headed back towards the office Kowalski
    quickly pressed both palms to his temples and releasing a rather shaky
    sigh settled back into his chair. He made no attempt to get to his feet.
    
       Welsh walked quickly back into the office.  "Shit...Shit...Shit...That
    kid don't deserve any of this...Shit" 
       Vecchio was just a little surprised at the emotion showed by the big
    man.  It was obvious that he was very fond of Kowalski.  
       "Would you do me a favor Vecchio?  Would you run Ray back home...He
    ain't feelin' too good."  As he spoke Welsh ran one of his big hands
    over his craggy face.  Vecchio was again amazed at the emotions that
    the Lt. was displaying.  It seemed that everyone who had gotten to know
    his replacement was pretty fond of him. 
       "What gives Lt.?  Ma told me about his headaches....Is it from the
    beatin' he took?" Vecchio shot a quick glance towards Kowalski and noticed
    that except for having screwed his eyes shut again he hadn't moved. 
       "Ya well, its got ta be...he never had 'em before...but who knows."
    The frustration on Welsh's face was plain to read.  "He don't talk about
    'em...hell he don't talk about anything anymore.  I set in here everyday
    and I watch him and it makes me sick.  He ain't eaten right, he ain't
    getting' any sleep, he's wastin' away right in front of my eyes, but
    I can't get him to talk about it...or anything else.  All I know for
    sure is that every once in a while he gets these really bad headaches.
    He's got this high-powered pain medication, but he don't want ta get
    hooked on it so he leaves it at home figuring that if they get so bad
    that he has to go home then he'll take it." 
       Welsh walked over behind his desk and absently picked up a stack of
    reports and began to straighten them.  "The bad part is...this is just
    a 'bad' one.  I think he has a headache nearly all the time.  Hell he
    eats aspirin like candy.  That can't be doin' his stomach any good...and
    he sure don't need stomach trouble on top of everything else....I just
    wish....Ah hell." 
       "Wish what Lt.?"  Vecchio moved closer to the desk as he spoke.  "Talk
    to me Sir.  Ma wants me to help this guy, but I don't know what's goin'
    on.  I don't know what he was like before, but from what everyone has
    told me he ain't the same guy anymore and it's hurtin' people....My Ma....Fraser...and
    you too by the looks of it.  Just what did happen in that storehouse?"
    
       "Who knows...Kowalski and Fraser won't talk about it and they are
    the only ones who really know....Oh I got facts, but I don't think the
    facts are the problem...It was somethin' personal."  Welsh glanced out
    the side window and continued.  "They wanted information out of Fraser
    and beat the shit out of Ray to try and make the Mountie spill.  The
    Mountie wouldn't talk, and Kowalski was nearly dead before the troops
    broke it up.  But trust me Vecchio that ain't the problem.  Ray Kowalski
    is one tuff little son-of-a-bitch and he would have taken it to the death
    with a smile on his face, but somethin' else went down and I don't have
    any idea what.  All I know is that it's killin' him and Fraser both.
    Hell Fraser is your friend maybe you can get something out of him.  I
    know I've tried to get both of 'em to spill and they won't talk to me."
    
       "I've tried.  Fraser won't talk to me about it either."  Ray slowly
    rubbed his hand through his thinning hair. A quick look towards Kowalski's
    desk showed that the struggling detective had again doubled over at the
    waist holding his palm tightly against his temple.  "Shit....I better
    get him out of here.  Don't worry Lt. We'll get to the bottom of this
    mess...this is ridicules...If they didn't still care about each other
    it wouldn't be botherin' 'em like this....Right?"  Without waiting for
    a reply Vecchio turned and left the office. 
       Vecchio cautiously approached his old desk.  Taking his cue from having
    watched Welsh earlier he positioned himself between the blonde Detective
    and the rest of the room and gently laid his arm across the now trembling
    shoulders of his replacement. 
       "Come on Ray.  Let me get you out of here."  
    
       Kowalski looked up into the face of the other man and after a few
    quick blinks to clear his tear dimmed vision slowly nodded his agreement.
    Vecchio was shocked at the other man's appearance.  His face appeared
    even more pale than before and he had the distinct look of someone who
    was trying very hard to keep from throwing up.  Vecchio quickly pulled
    the small garbage bag out of the wastebasket under the desk and never
    releasing his steadying hold on the younger man's elbow quickly ushered
    him out the seldom used exit door behind them. 
       It was a long drive to Ray's apartment.  Vecchio kept stealing sideways
    glances at the other man and was relieved when Ray finally relaxed enough
    to lay his head back against the seat.  Kowalski's eyes were still shut
    tightly against the pain that hammered against his skull, and he was
    white-knuckling the garbage bag that Vecchio had offered him, but at
    least he had relaxed some. 
       "Bad one..huh?"  Kowalski's only response was a very slight nod of
    his head.  "Ma told me about your headaches.  You've had 'em checked
    out I hope...Ma would kill me if I let anything happen to you ya know."
    
       Kowalski smiled weakly and again gave a slight nod of affirmation.
    
       "Well?...Don't leave me hangin' here Ray.  She's your Ma too ya know
    and she is goin' to grill the snot outa me for information."  Vecchio
    hoped that the last several days of close association would allow the
    younger man enough comfort with him to open up, if even just a little
    
       Kowalski slowly opened his eyes and rolled his head towards Vecchio
    enough to give him a measuring look.  This whole episode was embarrassing
    enough without it being right in front of this guy, but he was being
    awfully understanding about it.  Ray Kowalski felt that he owed him at
    least a little something for that. 
       "I...uh... had my jaw broke up pretty bad...and well...It didn't heal
    up quite right."  For an instant Vecchio was afraid that was all he was
    going to get out of him.  He was relieved when the skinny blonde continued.
    "Its...uh...been puttin' pressure on a nerve or somethin'...but its ok...I
    got some stuff at home that eases it up some." 
       "Well somethin' for the pain is one thing....but what are they  doin'
    about what's causin' the pain?"  Vecchio knew he was pressing his luck
    but he had at least gotten something out of the stoic Detective. 
       Kowalski laid his head back against the seat and again closed his
    eyes.  "They're lookin' into it." 
       Vecchio knew instantly that that was as much as he was going to get
    right now...but at least it was something. 
    
        The two men nearly made it to the apartment without further talk,
    but on the landing on the way to Ray's second floor apartment Kowalski
    called a sudden halt. 
       "Ah Shit...I got ta shut my eyes a minute."  Vecchio waited as Kowalski
    screwed his eyes tightly shut and bent over slightly at the waist.  The
    Detective was visibly shaking and trying mightily to calm his agitated
    stomach by taking and releasing deep careful breaths.  Vecchio knew what
    that was like.  He had enough raps on the head to know that a bad headache
    could upset your stomach as well. 
       Ray waited until Kowalski relaxed a little and then gently took him
    by the elbow. 
       "Better?"  Vecchio bent over slightly to make eye contact, but Kowalski
    never opened his eyes.  "Ok..Ok..Just keep your eyes shut.  I'll get
    ya up the stairs ok." 
       Vecchio placed Kowalski's hand on the banister and gently wrapping
    an arm around his incredibly thin waist practically carried the shaking
    man to his door.  Kowalski leaned heavily against the door jam as he
    dug the keys out of his coat pocket and handed them over.  Vecchio quickly
    got the apartment door open and hustled the sagging Detective in.  
       "Ok Ray.  Where the hell is that medicine?"
    
       Kowalski motioned weakly towards the kitchen counter, his eyes still
    tightly shut.  "Its that prescription bottle....Geeze. I'm sorry about
    this Vecchio....I really suck." 
       "Na..You just shut up...don't worry about it."  As he spoke Ray carefully
    sat Kowalski on his living room couch and hustled back to the kitchen.
    
       "Ok, Ray.  Take these."
    
       Kowalski looked at the offered pills and hesitated.   "Uh..I usually
    only take one." 
       Vecchio shook his head sharply.  "The bottle says one or two and you
    are definitely takin' two."  He quickly understood his hesitation.  "Don't
    worry about it Ray.  Take 'em.  You're at home now and takin' two of
    'em once in awhile ain't goin' ta get ya hooked.  And you might as well
    know right now I ain't goin' nowhere until I'm sure you're Ok.  Capice...Now
    take 'em before I call Ma." 
       Kowalski gave a resigned smile and took the offered medication.  In
    less than a half-hour Ray Kowalski was sound asleep.  Vecchio had helped
    him out of his shoulder holster and shoes and had settled him over onto
    the couch. 
       Ray was making his way to the kitchen when he caught the phone in
    the middle of its first ring.  He shot a quick look towards the couch.
    Kowalski hadn't made a move. 
       "Ya.  Ray Vecchio here."  The Detective listened intently to the voice
    on the other end of the line. 
       "Mr. Vecchio this is Central Hospital.  I was just calling to confirm
    your check in time of tomorrow at noon.  Your surgery is scheduled for
    Saturday morning at 8:00 and barring any unforeseen complications you
    should be going home Sunday afternoon." 
       Ray Vecchio's jaw dropped in utter surprise.  "What?...What in the
    hell are you talking about?" 
       "Well excuse me sir, but this is Raymond Vecchio isn't it?"
       Suddenly the lights came on for the startled Detective.
    
       "No..Well ya..But..Shit."  After a short pause to gather his senses
    Ray continued.  "I'm sorry Miss.  I think I understand the confusion.
    My name is Raimundo Vecchio.  I think you want to talk to my little brother
    Raymond...I know...I know Ma and Pop didn't have much imagination...but
    that's the way it goes.   What is this about surgery?  That little shit
    hasn't said anything about it... Ma's goin' ta skin him alive." 
       "Well I'm sorry for the confusion sir, but I'm not sure if I shouldn't
    be speaking to Mr.Vecci... Ah...Raymond about this."  The lady on the
    other end of the line was beginning to sound concerned.  
       "No, no Miss.  It's ok really.  Raymond's here.  I just brought him
    home with a hell-of-a headache and he's asleep on the couch.  I really
    don't want to wake him up if we don't have to.  It's his jaw. Right?
    They're  goin' to fix his jaw?"  Ray was suddenly interested in getting
    all the information he could. 
       "Well yes sir it is surgery on his jaw, but I'm afraid I can't give
    out any more information then that without authorization.  Would you
    please give your brother my message, thank-you.  Good-bye." 
       The wheels in Ray Vecchio's brain were spinning a mile a minute. 
    He had to give Kowalski credit.  He was one tight lipped son-of-a-gun.
    He was aware that he had requested Friday and Monday off, but had just
    assumed he had wanted a much-needed long weekend.  Now it appeared that
    he had planned on having surgery over the weekend and attempt to return
    to work on Tuesday.  With what he had seen today Vecchio had serious
    doubts that in his already weakened physical state Kowalski could pull
    it off, but he had to give the guy credit for thinking he could.  Welsh
    had said he was tough. 
       Vecchio's resolve took a substantial leap forward.  This crap had
    gone on long enough.  This guy was worth saving, and God knew Benton
    Fraser was as well.  He had seen the sad shape that Fraser was in.  His
    uniform hung on him like a rag, and the worry-lines on his face were
    a painful thing for Ray to see.  It was obvious that whatever had happened
    was going to have to be dragged out into the open and cleared up.  It
    wasn't going to be easy, but if something wasn't done soon he was liable
    to lose not only his best friend but his newly found baby brother as
    well.  That thought brought a smile to Ray's face.  Geeze his Ma was
    getting' to him big time. 
       Ray Vecchio made a quick phone call and then sat down to wait. 
    
       Within the hour there was a gentle knock on the door.  Ray opened
    the door quickly and allowed his Ma entrance. 
       "Where is Raymond?  You said he wasn't well Caro.  Where is he?" 
    The stress in her voice was obvious. 
       As Ray led his mother to the living room he explained to her everything
    that had happened and what he had learned about Kowalski's condition
    and upcoming surgery.  His Ma mumbled and clucked to herself quietly
    as she loving stroked the face of the sleeping man before her.  She gently
    traced the line of one of the heavier scars above Kowalski's right eye.
    
       "Come Raimundo we must get him to his bed."  As she spoke she carefully
    pulled the blanket off the sleeping form and began to softly rub Kowalski's
    chest. 
       Ray shook his head.  "Aah Ma.  He's ok there.  Just let him sleep."
    Even as he spoke the words he positioned himself to help get the smaller
    man up and into the bedroom. He knew it was useless to argue when his
    mother got into her mother hen mode.    
       "Raymond.  Wake up Caro. You need to go to bed."  Ma Vecchio continued
    to rub his chest and with her other hand gently pat his cheek. 
       Kowalski slowly opened his red rimmed eyes and looked into the face
    of the old woman.  He smiled sleepily and softly spoke. 
       "Ma?"
    
       "Si, Caro.  It's your Ma.  Wake up baby.  You need to be in your bed."
    As she spoke, Ma Vecchio helped her youngest 'son' to set up. 
       Vecchio was amazed at the difference.  Those empty blue eyes were
    suddenly warm with loving affection for 'his' Ma.  The small engaging
    smile that lit the haggard face was the first genuine smile that he had
    seen from Kowalski in the many days that they had been working together.
    
       "Come on Ray. Let me give ya a hand."  As soon as Vecchio spoke he
    could see the change.  The coolness came back into the eyes, and the
    smile nearly vanished.  It was almost spooky. 
       They soon had Kowalski setting on the edge of his bed.  Ma gently
    pulled his shirt up over his head.  She spoke quietly in a soothing mix
    of English and Italian.  Ray Vecchio had to fight down the urge to flinch
    at the sight.  The best comparison he could come up with was refugee.
    This guy looked like he had escaped from a concentration camp.  The flesh
    was pulled tightly across his bony rib cage.  The pale flesh was peppered
    with several welt scars from the brass knuckles that had nearly taken
    his life.  Ma shot her son a meaningful glance and shook her head sadly.
    
       Ma quickly had Kowalski settled in his bed and sat stroking his cheek
    as she continued her soothing monologue.   Vecchio watched for only a
    short time and then returned to the kitchen.  The scars told a pretty
    horrific story.  This guy had been through one hell-of-a-beating.  If
    that were added to whatever had happened between him and Benny it was
    no wonder this guy had changed.  Ray just hoped they would be able to
    bring him back.  
    
       In less then ten minutes Ma came flying out of the bedroom muttering
    in Italian, totally oblivious to Ray's presence.  She made a quick survey
    of Raymond's kitchen.  She checked most of the cupboards, gave a quick
    look into the refrigerator, and finished her search by studying the few
    pill bottles that were lined up on the counter. By the end of her survey
    she was shaking her head with a mixture of anger and concern.  
       "Ah my poor baby.  I should have known. I should have known."  Ray
    was surprised to see the beginning of tears in his mother's eyes. 
       "Ma?...Ma, what's the matter?"
    
       "Oh Caro....I should have taken better care of him."  Ma Vecchio sat
    heavily in one of the kitchen chairs and turned her troubled eyes toward
    her son. "Look around you Raimundo.  Bananas, soup, in the refrigerator
    only juice, V-8, nutritional drinks, milk...and this Caro...This."  As
    she spoke Ma Vecchio hauled herself out of her chair and picked up one
    of the pill bottles from the counter.  "Diet pills...Oh my poor foolish
    baby." 
       "Diet pills?.....Ma what in the hell is that scarecrow doin' with
    diet pills?"  Ray stepped up beside his Ma and took the offered bottle
    from her now nearly trembling hand. 
       
       "His jaw.  Caro.  I should have known.  He couldn't eat anything solid
    because of his jaw.  Even when he left the house to return here he couldn't
    eat.  I just assumed that it had gotten better with time.  Oh Caro. 
    I should have known.  To watch him try to eat even soft food was painful.
    It was like he was chewing a mouth full of glass."  Ma Vecchio shook
    her head sadly and looked into the face of her son. 
       "That don't explain the diet pills, Ma."  Ray laid a gentling hand
    on his mother's now trembling arm. 
       "Oh if you would have known Raymond before.  The boy ate all the time.
    Always so skinny, but always hungry and always eating...like a crazy
    teenager.  I loved it when he came to the house.  I love to put food
    before someone that hungry."  The smile that had begun to brighten the
    old woman's face quickly faded.  "Raymond probably used these to curb
    his hunger.  But foolish boy...oh my foolish baby.  Francesca uses these.
    They are all organic, and they curb hunger, but they also speed up your
    metabolism.  What he was eating was just getting burned up quicker. 
    Oh my poor baby." 
       "This guy kind of got to ya, didn't he Ma?"  Ray gently guided his
    mother back towards the kitchen chair. 
       A small smile slowly spread across the old woman's face. "If you could
    have met him before all this.  He was such a good boy.  Never still,
    always going, or doing.  Such a beautiful smile and when he laughed you
    just had to laugh with him.  Always trying to be so tough, but underneath,
    a gentle little boy that would do anything to keep from hurting anyone.
    A little afraid of what life would do to him, but always brave enough
    to keep going.  And those eyes, those beautiful blue eyes.  So much life
    in them.  You could see all of his heart in those eyes, and now they
    are so cold sometimes that it scares me."  
       Ma Vecchio carefully wiped a small tear from her eye.  "He was so
    quiet at first.  So unsure of himself, but  Benito was helping that to
    change.  Benito was so good for him.  Always telling him he was worth
    something, helping him to believe in himself.  They were so good together.
    Raymond had a way of picking on Benito that would almost drive him crazy
    before he would catch on.  Raymond would have him defining simple words
    or giving long explanations of the dumbest things.  He would get him
    started and then just slip away and leave Benito talking to himself."
    
       Ray Vecchio had to smile.  He knew how aggravating Benny's long windedness
    could be. 
       Ray watched as the smile slowly left his mother's face and a lone
    tear slid down her weathered face 
       "Oh Raimundo.  They have both changed so much.  It breaks my heart."
    
       "Don't worry Ma.  This thing comes to a head today.  This whole thing
    is ridiculous.  We're going to get those two together and get to the
    bottom of this.  I don't know if it's the right time, but I wanna get
    it done before Ray goes inta the hospital.  He ain't goin' through this
    surgery alone and I don't care if it makes him mad or not."  Ray picked
    up his coat as he spoke.  "You stay here and take care of Ray.  I'm goin'
    to talk to Welsh, and then I'm goin' after Benny.  Even if I got to hit
    him in the head and drag him here.  These two guys are goin' ta talk
    to each other even if it kills 'em." 
    
       Ray Vecchio spent the next hour in Welsh's office.  He filled The
    Lt. in on all he knew about Ray's jaw and the upcoming surgery.  He described
    Kowalski's poor physical shape, and even told Welsh that he should give
    him the whole week off instead of just Monday.  He had just completed
    filling Welsh in on what he had planned for Kowalski and Fraser when
    the Mountie finally made his appearance. 
       "Hey Benny.  I'm glad you're here ole buddy."  Vecchio jumped to his
    feet and with a quick wink towards his boss hustled the Mountie out the
    door. 
       Once they were in the privacy of Ray's car he turned and faced his
    friend. 
       "Okay Benny.  This is it.  No more bullshit.  I want you to talk to
    me about what happened between you and Kowalski and I want you to do
    it now." 
       Fraser shot an almost angry look at Ray and then dropped his gaze
    to his lap. 
       "I told you Ray.  I really don't want to talk about this.  It is something
    that concerns Ray Kowalski and myself and is therefore I believe our
    business."  The words were spoken quietly, but Ray could hear the edge
    in his friend's voice. 
       
       "Your business my ass."  Ray not too gently took hold of Fraser's
    arm and gave it a small shake.  "You got a lot of nerve Benny.  This
    involves more people then just you and Kowalski.  I just spent an hour
    with Welsh....He's tore up over what's been goin' on.  Everyday he has
    had to watch Ray waste away, right in front of his eyes.....And Ma?...Geeze
    Benny...I spent most of the mornin' with her cryin' around taken care
    of that skinny shit..."  Fraser shot Ray a startled concerned look, but
    with a raised hand to silence the Mountie, Ray continued. "....Ya. That's
    right Benny.  I had ta take him home today.  His head hurt so bad he
    couldn't keep his eyes open....Ma's with him now." 
       The edge left his voice as Ray continued.  "And what about me Benny.
    When I came home I wanted to be able to get back together with my friend.
    But you ain't been here Benny.  You been off some place inside your own
    head and you won't let me in.  I don't know what happened, but it's hurtin'
    a lot of people, not just you and Ray." 
       Fraser sat quietly for some time.  When he finally raised his gaze
    Ray was surprised to see the tears that had welled up in his eyes. 
       "Is Ray alright?"  The words were spoken so softly that Ray had to
    strain to hear. 
       "No Benny.  No he's not.  He can't eat 'cause of his jaw, he ain't
    nothin' but a rack a bones, and he goes in for surgery tomorrow." 
       Fraser dropped his chin to his chest and sighed deeply.  "I didn't
    know...I mean I knew there was something wrong....but..I...I didn't know."
    
       Ray moved his hand from Fraser's arm up to his shoulder and gave it
    a squeeze.  "It's okay Benny.  Until today nobody knew.  The guy's shutin'
    himself off Benny.  I didn't know him before, but from what Ma and Welsh
    have told me, and judgin' from how important he was to you the guy's
    worth savin'." 
       Fraser looked up quickly.  "He is still very important to me Ray.
    I have only had two truly good friends in my life. And they are you and
    Ray. He is very different from you, and I must say that he took some
    getting used too, but he is my friend.....I love you both Ray....And
    you know how hard that is for me to say." 
       Ray couldn't stop the warm smile that Fraser's admission brought to
    his face. "I know Benny.  I know."  Ray brought just the slightest edge
    back to his voice as he continued.  "Well that damn near makes it unanimous
    then.  You love the guy.  Ma loves the guy.  Hell.  I think Welsh even
    loves the guy.  I don't know him, but I know you guys and if you all
    say he's lovable...he's lovable....Geeze!  Listen ta me." 
       Fraser turned a sad smile towards his friend, but said nothing. 
       "The thing is Benny whatever happened between the two a you is killin'
    ya both.  I don't want to hurt your feelins' Fraser, but you've been
    in a better position to get this thing handled then Kowalski. Now I ain't
    sayin' its your fault, and I ain't sayin' its his...all I'm sayin' is
    that you've been in a better position to do somethin' about it."  
       Vecchio paused as he remembered the scars, and the skinny frame of
    the other Ray.  "Ray went through one hell-of-a beatin' and since then
    he's been dealin' with the headaches, and his jaw, and all the other
    mental stuff that goes along with about gettin' killed.  We've both been
    there Benny we know what it's like.  Now I know whatever happened has
    been hard on you too.  I mean all ya got ta do is look at ya and ya can
    tell that.  But ya gotta admit you haven't had the shit ta deal with
    that Ray has." 
       Fraser nodded slowly and whipped a tear from the corner of his eye.
    
       Ray had to swallow hard before he could go on.  "Now from everything
    I've been able to find out about you two, you were kind of the leader
    in the partnership.  Ray kinda depended on you ta take the lead...Am
    I right?" 
       Fraser again gave a sad nod.
    
       "Okay then Benny.  I know this kind of personal stuff ain't easy for
    ya.  But ya got ta step up and take the lead, cause I don't think Ray
    can.  And believe me Benny he needs ya now more than ever, and I think
    we need ta do it before he goes under the knife, cause you just never
    know what can happen....Ya know what I mean?" 
       Fraser sat in silence for a moment.  Ray knew to give him some time.
    
       "You're right Ray.  But I have tried to talk to him and he just won't.
    What I did hurt him terribly, and he is just so afraid that what I have
    to say will be worse."  Fraser absently rubbed his thumbnail along his
    brow.  "I even tried to get him mad enough to talk, which at one time
    was an easy thing to do...but now...I just don't want to be the cause
    of anymore hurt.  Ray is...well...very important to me." 
    
       "Okay Benny.  I believe ya.  That's why I wantta know what happened.
    Ma and I are goin' ta be there with ya.  Not just for you, but for Ray
    too.  It's goin' to be hard for both of ya, but better to hurt a lot
    now and get over it, then ta let the hurt kill ya slow...Ya understand
    Benny."  Ray again reached over and squeezed his friend's shoulder. 
        Fraser spent the next hour telling Ray all of the details of what
    happened in the storehouse.  He described the terrible beating, and how
    brave and defiant Ray had been.  He spoke of how hard it was to watch
    his friend suffer so terribly.  Fraser then explained what he had done
    to betray not only Ray Kowalski, but Ray Vecchio as well.  The hardest
    part was the fact that because of his inability to explain his betrayal,
    Ray had been allowed to draw his own incorrect conclusions and thereby
    be hurt again in an even worse way. 
       By the time Fraser was finished both men were drained.  Fraser from
    the painful memories and Vecchio from both the awful facts of the story
    and the obvious pain it was causing his friend. They sat in subdued silence
    for several minutes.  At last Ray gave himself a shake and started the
    car. 
       "Okay Benny.  You and I are goin' ta go get some coffee...or somethin'...give
    ya a chance ta recoup a little...then we got ta go talk to Ray."  Vecchio
    carefully pulled the car out into the afternoon traffic. 
       "This isn't going to be easy."  Fraser's words were so low that Ray
    almost missed them. 
       "I know Benny.  I know.  Just remember Kowalski needs ya." 
    
       When Fraser and Vecchio opened the door to Kowalski's apartment they
    were met with the unmistakable aroma of Ma Vecchio's cooking.  She had
    slipped out of the apartment just long enough to get some groceries from
    the local market and had a hearty soup stock boiling on the stove.  She
    eagerly ushered the two men in and by placing her finger to her lips
    let them know that Raymond was still sleeping. 
       "Has he been asleep all this time, Ma?"  Ray was busily checking out
    the soup as he spoke. 
       "Si, Caro.  I've looked in on him many times and I don't think he's
    even moved."  Ma slapped Ray's hand away from her cooking.  "My poor
    baby.  I don't think he has been sleeping.  I counted the pills in that
    prescription and he has taken very few.  He was never good at taking
    his medicine." 
       "He doesn't wanta get hooked on it Ma."  Ray watched as Fraser made
    his way to Kowalski's bedroom door. 
       The Mountie stood motionless his Stetson held tightly in his hand.
    He studied his sleeping friend closely.  Even in sleep Ray's face looked
    drawn and tired.  The light from the window played across the angular
    features accentuating the shiny patches of scar tissue.  Benton had to
    blink back the tears that welled in his eyes.  Vecchio had been right.
    Fraser knew now that he should have been the one to force the issue.
    He should have made Ray listen to him, but he had been afraid to face
    the misery that he had once seen in those blue eyes.  Once again he felt
    that he had added another brick in the wall of pain that was threatening
    to cut his friend off from a world that had offered him nothing but heartache.
    Fraser suddenly felt the guilt that had been twisting in his gut for
    months calmed by an emotion even stronger.  He suddenly realized that
    he loved the battered man before him enough to face his own shame.  This
    whole mess had been killing them both slowly.  The partnership may not
    survive, but Fraser was now fiercely determined that Ray Kowalski, and
    Benton Fraser would.   
       Fraser's reverie was broken when Ma Vecchio laid a gentle hand on
    his arm. 
       "Come Caro."  She carefully led Fraser back towards the kitchen. 
    "We will let Raymond sleep just a little longer.  I called his doctor
    today.  I want to tell you boys what he said and then we will wake Raymond
    and do what we must do." 
       For the next half-hour Ma Vecchio explained what she had been able
    to learn about Ray's upcoming surgery.  She had learned from the doctor
    that they were going to have to re-break Ray's jaw and put in a plate
    to stabilize the bone.  They were also going to have to dislocate the
    right side and scrape away some calcification that was putting pressure
    on a nerve.  The operation was going to require that his jaw be wired
    shut for at least four weeks or possibly longer.  The doctor seemed very
    pleased to at last talk to a relative, and had suggested the need for
    his Ma to be in the recovery room.  Through past experience with her
    'son' the doctor was aware of Ray's tendency to fight the anesthetic
    as he was regaining consciousness.  Because of his jaw being wired they
    didn't want him to panic and risk the chance of his choking. 
      
        Ray and Fraser sat in silence as Ma told of what she had learned.
    Benny repeatedly ran his thumbnail across his brow.  He was ashamed of
    himself for not being more aware of what his friend had been dealing
    with.  There was also however a fierce sense of pride in the toughness
    of his partner and friend.  It was obvious now that Ray had been dealing
    with a lot of pain.  He had handled it in such a way that very few people
    were aware of it, and even those who were didn't know how severe it had
    been. 
       The three friends sat in silence for several minutes.  Ray Vecchio
    was surprised that it was Fraser who finally broke the silence. 
       "Ray is not going to go through this alone."  Vecchio noticed the
    new resolve in his friend's voice.  "I think it is time that we get him
    out here and...." 
       As if on cue, Kowalski made his way slowly out of the bedroom.  He
    stopped short when he saw the small group that was gathered around his
    kitchen table, and then again began his approach.  The blue eyes showed
    just a flash of angry bewilderment, and then quickly returned to their
    now normal withdrawn coolness.  It wasn't lost on the three friends.
    
       Ma Vecchio shot a quick glance towards her allies.  "Come Raymond.
    Caro.  Sit.  We must talk." 
       Kowalski froze in his tracks.  "We ain't got nothin' ta talk about."
    
       "Oh ya buddy.  You and Fraser got a lot ta talk about."  Vecchio couldn't
    stop the slight edge in his voice.  "Listen we found out about your surgery
    an all....and we figured you guys need ta get the air cleared before
    that happens." 
       "Ray's right..."  Fraser stood slowly and faced Kowalski.  "I need
    to talk Ray...and you are going to listen." 
       "Ain't got nothin' ta say Fraser.  If you guys want ta talk go ahead."
    Ray shrugged his shoulders as he spoke and then turning walked back to
    his bedroom. 
       Ray Vecchio jumped to his feet, but was stopped by his mother's gentle
    hand on his arm.  "I will talk to him Caro" 
       Ma Vecchio quickly followed Kowalski to the bedroom. 
    
       For the next several minutes Ray and Fraser heard nothing.  Gradually
    Ma Vecchio's volume increased. They couldn't hear well enough to understand
    the words, but the tone was obvious.  Ray Kowalski was getting a butt
    chewing from his Ma.  There would be long moments of near silence and
    then Ma would wind herself up for another go at the stubborn Detective
    that she loved as a son.   Either Ray Kowalski was able to keep his cool
    enough to keep his voice down or he was making no effort to argue with
    the older woman. Ray Vecchio couldn't help but poke Benny and smile.
    He had a pretty good idea that the skinny blonde was smart enough not
    to talk back to his 'Ma'. 
       After an extra long moment of silence Kowalski flew out of the bedroom
    and shot down the short hall towards the bathroom.  Ma Vecchio followed
    him out at a slower pace and headed toward the kitchen.  By the time
    the old woman had reached the kitchen counter Fraser and Ray could hear
    Kowalski loosing whatever he had managed to consume for breakfast. 
       Ma Vecchio spoke, as if to herself.  "Ah..My poor baby....scared to
    death, and yet so brave."  She snagged the pain medication off the counter
    and then turned to join Ray in the bathroom. 
       After several minutes Fraser stepped to the bathroom door.  Ray was
    setting on the edge of the bathtub.  His face was buried in a wet towel.
    A light sheen of sweat covered his forearms.  Ma Vecchio stood beside
    him gently rubbing his back and speaking softly in his ear. 
       "Ray?" 
    
        Fraser had to fight down the lump that rose in his throat when Ray
    finally looked up.  All the pain and misery that had been present in
    the warehouse was again filling those incredibly blue eyes. 
       "Ray.  It's going to be all right."  Fraser stepped closer to his
    friend and laid a hand on his thin shoulder. 
       Ray again buried his face in the damp towel.
    
       "I know I don't deserve it Ray, but I need you to trust me. It 'is'
    going to be all right." Fraser gently squeezed the shoulder of his partner.
    "Come on out when you feel up to it.  We need to talk, and I'm not going
    anywhere until we do, but we aren't in any hurry." 
       Ma Vecchio gave Benton a reassuring smile and then again began to
    speak softly to her 'son'. 
       Fraser slowly walked out to join Ray and wait.
    
       It was nearly fifteen minutes before Ma Vecchio returned to the kitchen
    alone. 
       "Raymond will be out in just a bit."  She shook her head and smiled.
    "He does not want to do this....but when I told him he must think of
    you Benito he agreed."  She gently reached over and squeezed Fraser's
    hand and clucked to herself.  "You two?...Raimundo?...What are we to
    do with these two foolish boys?" 
       "Right now Ma I'm all for knockin' 'em both in the head."  Ray shot
    a quick glance towards the bathroom.  "Well. Fraser anyway...Is Ray all
    right?" 
       "Si Caro."  Ray was surprised at the almost wicked little laugh that
    escaped from his Ma as she continued.  "That one can be so stubborn,
    but I'm afraid that he only today discovered that I can be 'more' stubborn.
    Poor baby...So sick....His head still hurts him and I think between that
    and me....Well I made him take another one of those pills.  I hope that
    will not only help with his pain, but help him relax a little as well."
    
       "As long as ya didn't give him two.  He went out like a light last
    time and....."  Ray Vecchio stopped in mid-sentence as Kowalski slowly
    made his way to the kitchen. 
       Ma Vecchio stood at his approach and motioned him to a chair.  She
    placed Kowalski and Fraser across the table from each other with her
    facing her son.  The cool reserve was again present in the blonde Detective's
    eyes.  As Raymond gingerly lowered himself into the chair he shot a quick
    glance at the Mountie seated across from him.  Vecchio noticed that in
    that instant the coolness cracked just long enough to show a flash of
    pain-filled panic. Kowalski dropped his gaze to the tabletop and began
    to nervously twist his slender fingers.  It wasn't until Ray looked at
    Fraser and caught the pain and fear in his eyes as well that he came
    to total realization of just how important the next few minutes were
    going to be in the lives of this small group. 
        Ma Vecchio quietly cleared her throat.  "Raymond, Caro, I believe
    that Benton has something he needs to explain to you." 
       Kowalski only glanced quickly towards Ma before he again dropped his
    gaze to his ever-moving hands. 
       Fraser rubbed his thumb across his brow before he began.  
    
       "Ray.  I owe you so much more than just an explanation.  I have hurt
    you more then I can ever expect you to forgive.  But I want you to understand
    that I didn't 'mean' to hurt you....I..." 
       A flash of anger jumped into Ray's blue eyes as he interrupted  "I
    told ya along time ago Fraser...I ain't blamin' you for nothin'...You
    were just bein' you.....doin' what you thought was the right.  You think
    I can't understand that or what?" 
       "Ray.  Please.  I'm not talking about the right that 'we' did in regards
    to the criminal situation.  I'm talking about the wrong that I did to
    you....both during and after the warehouse."  Fraser gazed steadily at
    his friend.  His voice grew stronger as his conviction to do the right
    thing was again re-ignited. 
       "I want you to look at me Ray."  It seemed to take him forever, but
    Ray slowly raised his eyes to meet those of the Mountie.  Fraser returned
    his gaze evenly although the look of pain and uncertainty reflected in
    the other man's eyes was hard to bare.  "I betrayed you in that warehouse
    Ray....and not just you but Ray Vecchio too...."  Kowalski couldn't help
    but throw a quick puzzled glance towards the other Ray. 
       "I want you to listen to me Ray, and I want you to understand.   A
    long time ago I did something that hurt Ray Vecchio very badly.  He was
    hurt because of my selfishness.  I put what was important to me in front
    of any thought of how what I was doing was going to affect him.  It nearly
    killed us both.  After I had come to my senses I made a vow to myself,
    and to Ray that I would never again risk the life of my friend to satisfy
    my own selfishness.  And yet, in that warehouse I did just that.  I let
    them very nearly kill not just my partner, but a very dear friend, someone
    who had become very important to me...and someone who deserved my faithfulness...not
    my betrayal..." Fraser's voice caught as he tried to fight back the tears
    that were scorching the inside of his eyes. 
       Ray Kowalski was fighting back tears of his own.  "Fraser...You don't
    need ta..." 
       Ma Vecchio quickly reached out and gathered both Ray's and Fraser's
    hand into her own. 
       "Yes he does Raymond...Benito needs to do this... and you must let
    him." 
       Fraser cleared his throat and smiled weakly at the old woman.
      
        "Ray...I allowed them to do to you, what you would have never allowed
    them to do to me.  I was so blinded by my own selfish desire to fulfill
    'my' duty and defend 'my' honor that I was totally blinded to any alternatives.
    You are as honorable a man as I am, Ray.  Your duty is as important to
    you as mine is to me, but you wouldn't have allowed that to blind you
    to the life of a friend.  You would have found an alternative.  I on
    the other hand was so focused on my own selfish interpretation of duty
    that I would have allowed them to kill you for it...and they almost did."
    Fraser took a ragged breath and gazed forlornly at the table.  "It wasn't
    until they mentioned Ray Vecchio that I was suddenly reminded of my vow.
    I had almost been responsible for his death because of my selfishness,
    and suddenly I was faced with the realization that I was doing the same
    thing again.  I was risking the life of my friend to satisfy my own selfish
    needs.  That is why I lied to them, Ray.  It was because I suddenly remembered
    my promise, and in so doing, my mind was opened up to realize that there
    'were' alternatives.  It wasn't because I valued his life above yours.
    You are and have been as good a friend to me as Ray Vecchio.  I could
    never have put one of you above the other. 
       Kowalski lowered his head to rest it on his arm.  Vecchio glanced
    from Benton to his Ma, and then carefully laid his hand on the thin shoulder
    of the younger man and gave it a gently squeeze. 
       "Why didn't you tell me that Fraser?"  The words were spoken quietly
    but the blonde head never raised.  "You know it wouldn't have bothered
    me to die for what you thought was right....but ya just went ahead and
    let me think...." 
       "Because I was a coward Ray."  Fraser gently removed his hand from
    Ma Vecchio's grip, and reaching across the table took Ray's hand from
    hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 
       "I was so ashamed of what I had done that I couldn't even put it into
    words in my own head.  I know that I hurt you even worse by not being
    able to explain.  I was so blinded by my shame that I allowed you to
    form the wrong conclusion, and then when I realized what you thought
    I was even more ashamed.  It wasn't until I saw what it was doing to
    you that I found the nerve to face the terrible things that I had done.
    By that time you had turned everything back onto yourself and you wouldn't
    let me talk to you. I wanted to explain it but you wouldn't listen. 
    I know now that you were afraid of what I would say.  You were afraid
    that I would confirm what you were thinking, and believe me Ray I know
    what it's like to think that you have lost a friend.  It's not something
    that you want to 'hear'." 
       For several long moments the four 'friends' sat in an almost relieved
    silence. The storm was now passed.  The only thing remaining was to assess
    the damage.  Ma, Fraser, and Ray Vecchio exchanged meaningful looks.
    Ma was smiling warmly, as she watched Fraser self-consciously wipe a
    tear from the corner of his eye. Vecchio loudly released a breath that
    he had been holding much too long.  The only one who didn't move at all
    was Ray Kowalski.  He still sat with his face buried in the crook of
    his arm his hand still enfolded in the Mounties' big grip. 
       Ray Vecchio again placed his hand on the slender shoulder of the blonde
    and gave it a gently shake. "Yo?...Kowalski?...Ya still with us?" 
       The only response from Kowalski was a very slight nod.
    
       "Geeze...That's good ta hear.  I was startin' ta think that pill had
    knocked ya out or somethin'" Vecchio couldn't help but chuckle.  "It'd
    be a damn shame if Benny had ta go through all that again just cause
    you fell asleep or somthin'" 
       Ray rolled his head towards Vecchio and peeked one eye over his arm.
    "And he says he don't like long expositions....or whatever ya call those
    long winded things he does." 
       Ray Vecchio laid his head back and laughed.  "You know him too well
    buddy."  Ray clamped his hands on the shoulders of his friends, one old
    and one new. "I know it ain't been easy, but I think you guys are goin'
    ta be all right.  Which will save me knockin' ya both in the head." 
       "Oh Raimundo."  As she spoke Ma Vecchio hurried towards the stove
    and began to add her special ingredients to the soup stock.  "Was there
    ever any doubt?" 
       Fraser sat for a moment longer.  He then gently intertwined his fingers
    with Kowalski's. 
       "Ray.  I want you to look at me." Fraser was relieved that when those
    blue eyes reached his, the pain and panic had been replaced by a weary
    uncertainty.  It was a start. 
       "I am so sorry Ray.  I'm sorry that I hurt you.  I am sorry that I
    couldn't explain it.  I'm sorry for letting you believe that it had anything
    to do with who you are.  And I think right now I am the most sorry for
    having let this go on so long."  Again the Mountie's eyes welled with
    tears.  "You've been through so much, and I haven't been there to help.
    I'm sorry Ray." 
       "Sokay Fraser.  You can't help it if I was bein' a bull-head."  For
    the first time since Kowalski had found his kitchen full of people, a
    ghost of a smile creased the haggard face. 
       Fraser couldn't help but shake his head in amazement.  Okay was a
    simple word, but he knew without a doubt the meaning that it conveyed.
    After all he had done, it was hard to believe that Kowalski was able
    to forgive him with such ease. 
       "I was afraid that you wouldn't be able to forgive me Ray...I don't
    see how..." 
       "It ain't hard Fraser.  You're the best friend I ever had."  Ray smiled
    shyly across the table towards his friend. "Not 'had' Ray...have.  Now
    and as long as you can put up with me...Okay?" 
       
       The rest of the afternoon and part of the evening the three men spent
    watching a baseball game while Ma busied herself in the kitchen.  After
    she had served her boys the hearty soup she placed what was left in a
    Crook-Pot and gave Raymond strict instructions to eat as much of it as
    he could before his hospital check-in time tomorrow.  
       As the Vecchio's and Fraser were preparing to leave they all assured
    Ray that they would be at the hospital on Saturday.  Although he insisted
    that it wasn't necessary, and he found their overwhelming concern more
    than a little embarrassing, he was secretly glad for their support. 
    He had always hated hospitals, and had been truly dreading the surgery.
    
       As they filed out the door he got two firm handshakes and one incredible
    hug.  Ray Kowalski suddenly felt better than he had in a long time. 
    He knew that things between him and Fraser may never be the same as they
    once were, but at least there would be something there, and for now that
    would have to be enough.  
       The pain in his head was still pretty intense, but he had already
    decided that at bedtime he was going to take another pain pill so he
    could get a good night sleep before checking into the hospital.  Ray
    had just gotten himself settled down on the couch when he heard a rather
    timid knock at the door. 
       "Ray?"
    
       Kowalski was more than a little surprised to find Fraser standing
    out in the hall. 
       "Ya forget something Fraser?"  As he spoke Ray shot a quick look around
    the kitchen in the hope of spotting what the Mountie had forgotten. 
       "I hate to bother you Ray ....but...I  was wondering..." Fraser's
    nervousness was almost comical..."Ray.  Would it be all right if I bunked
    here tonight?  I would feel much better if you would let me go to the
    hospital with you tomorrow." 
       "Geeze.  Fraser there ain't no need in that."  Ray moved absently
    over towards the sink as he continued.  "All they're goin' ta do tomorrow
    is stick me in a bed, run a bunch of tests, and not let me eat anything."
    
       "I know Ray but you have been through so much of this by yourself,
    and I would just feel better if you would let me accompany you."  The
    Mountie's contriteness was obvious. 
       "I told ya earlier, it's okay Fraser."  Ray was surprised by the sudden
    anger he felt. "I've kinda gotten used ta the 'alone' thing, If ya know
    what I mean?" 
        Fraser dropped his eyes to the Stetson he held in his hands.  "As
    you wish Ray." 
        Suddenly all of the emotion that Ray had held in for so long began
    to seep out.  He turned and leaned heavily against the kitchen counter
    and held both hands tightly over his face. 
       "Shit.   Fraser.  I'm sorry...I didn't mean ta..." Fraser quickly
    stepped over beside his friend and laid a gentling hand on Ray's bony
    shoulder. 
       "It's all right Ray.  You have every right to be angry with me." 
    Fraser could feel a shudder run through the gaunt frame of his friend,
    as Ray fought to regain control of his nearly runaway emotions. 
       "Na Fraser it ain't alright.  You coulda given up on me... but ya
    didn't...Shit... I can be such an ass..." Ray began to tremble as he
    fought to keep from breaking down completely.  "Ya shoulda made me listen
    Fraser...a long time ago....ya shoulda just knocked me in the head and
    made me listen." 
       Fraser stepped in front of the trembling man, gently taking a hold
    of his wrists.  Slowly he pulled Ray's hands away from his face. 
       
       "You are not an 'ass' Ray.  And you are right I should have made you
    listen a long time ago.  But the bottom line is that I should have never
    hurt you like that in the first place."  The tears were flowing freely
    down Ray's face as the Mountie continued.  "You trusted me Ray.  And
    I know it wasn't easy for you to do, but you did trust me once.   All
    I want now is for you to be able to trust me again." 
       As another powerful shudder ran through Ray's slender frame Fraser
    could feel his friend's knees begin to buckle.  Benton carefully gathered
    his now sobbing partner into a tight embrace. 
       Ray took a large shuddering breath and mumbled into the Mountie's
    tunic.  "I want that too Fraser...I do...I just..." 
       'I know Ray.  I know."
    
       It was late Saturday morning.  Ray Kowalski had been in the recovery
    room almost two hours.  The doctors had assured Ma Vecchio that the surgery
    had been a success.  Once the doctors had gotten Ray's jaw dislocated
    the problem was much more obvious then the x-rays had revealed, and the
    necessary repairs were easily taken care of.  Ma was assured that once
    the irritated nerve had a chance to calm down and the obvious affects
    of the surgery were past that there should be no more pain for her 'son'.
    
       Ma Vecchio for her part reassured the doctors that although Ray's
    jaw would be wired for at least four weeks she would not only keep him
    from loosing any more weight but with the help of a good blender would
    put some weight back on his skinny frame. 
       Ray lay still against the white sheets.  The side of his face was
    puffed and bruised from the effects of the surgery and the stark white
    of the bandages accented his sallow complexion.  Ma Vecchio and Fraser
    sat quietly at the side of his bed.  Fraser had voiced his concerns of
    upsetting Ray by his presence.  Although a lot had been accomplished
    to mend the relationship all of the emotions of the last few days had
    been difficult for both of them.  
       "No...No Benito.  You stay."  Ma Vecchio smiled warmly and gently
    took Fraser's hand in hers.  "I swear...you two...I know you both better
    than you know yourselves.  I sometimes think I should do as Raimundo
    suggests and just knock both of you in the head." 
       The first signs of motion from the silent form before them brought
    any further conversation to a halt. Ray reflexively drew his legs up
    in the bed and slowly raised the arm that wasn't hooked to the IV.  He
    slowly rolled his head from side to side and a slight low moan escaped
    his lips.  As his motions became more agitated Ma stepped up to his side.
    Gently rubbing his chest she began to whisper soothingly into his ear.
    Fraser stood and gathered Ray's hand into his own.  He was suddenly struck
    by the ambiguity of the delicate features.  Fraser had seen that 'delicate'
    hand in action and was fully aware of the hidden strength that it contained.
    But now the slim hand was so pale that it seemed almost transparent.
    
       As Fraser sensed Ray's rising panic he instinctively slipped in between
    Ma and his struggling partner.  Benton watched as Ray attempted several
    times to open his mouth.  The pain, confusion, and fearful feelings of
    restraint were reflected in his now tear stained face.  
       Ma smiled to herself as she stepped away from the bed and slowly circled
    to the other side.  Although Ray's struggles were not easy to watch Ma
    had total confidence in the Mountie's ability to calm 'her' Raymond.
    
       "Ray. Ray. Ray. RAY!"  As always it was the fourth one that got through
    to the stubborn blonde. The Detective instantly ceased his struggling.
    Although his breath was coming in uneven and ragged gasps the look of
    panic had been replaced by a look of puzzlement.  As he struggled towards
    clarity Ray tightly grasped the hand of his friend.  His eyes fluttered
    slightly but had not yet opened.     
       "Frasuh?....Although a mere croak from an incredibly dry throat it
    was music to the Mountie's ears. 
       "Yes Ray.  It's me." Fraser gently stroked Ray's forehead as he continued.
    "Listen to me Ray.  You're in the hospital.  You had surgery...remember?
    They have your jaw wired shut Ray, but everything is going to be fine.
    Ma's here Ray.  You need to wake up.  Everything is going to be fine."
    
       Using Fraser's hand for leverage Ray attempted to pull himself into
    a setting position.  Fraser couldn't help but smile as he gentle pushed
    his partner back against the pillow. 
       "No Ray.  Be still.  You're not listening.  I said you need to wake
    up, not get up."  As he continued Fraser took the flat of is hand and
    not too gently popped Ray on the chest.  "Ray open your eyes!" 
       Instantly Ray's blue eyes flew open.  His brow was creased in confusion
    as he slowly took in the facts of his situation.  He was indeed in the
    hospital, he had definitely been through surgery, and he absolutely could
    not open his mouth. 
       Ray carefully studied the face before him.  His initial expression
    of uncertainty slowly melted into a small smile at the realization of
    the presence of his 'friend'. 
       "Frasuh!"  No longer a question but a statement of fact.
       
       Fraser happily looked up into the face of the old woman that had been
    so instrumental in the patching of the torn friendship.  Tears of joy
    ran unheeded down the weathered face. 
       Ma Vecchio reached across the body of one 'son' to take the hand of
    her other 'son'.  She gently laid her free hand on Ray's chest as she
    spoke.  "His heart has 'always' known who it can trust."  She carefully
    removed her hand from his chest and gently laid it along his bandaged
    face.  "It is only his head that forgot for awhile." 
    
    


End file.
